are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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