so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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