I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
