are you still at the devil's house?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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