He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
