My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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