theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
