I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
