Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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