doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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