You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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