A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
