the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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