I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
