maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
