Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
