I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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