can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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