My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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