Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
