I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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