ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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