My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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