he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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