Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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