wakey wakey hands off snakey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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