she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
