omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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