Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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