Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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