Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
