yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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