sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
