I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
