We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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