She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's shark week go big or go home
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
