They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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