im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
