You're earring is so big in my mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
