It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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