my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
