Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
