Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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