So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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