as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
