Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
