i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well you can't waste a boner
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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