if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
