I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
