She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
