i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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