i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
