im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
