What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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