We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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