i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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