i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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