he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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