You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
