Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you didnt know i had herpes?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's the barista slut.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
