yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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