i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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