U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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