Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
