why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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