Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
