a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
