My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
