I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have aggressive nipples.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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