So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
