I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
