The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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