all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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