She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize