the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
