I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
