sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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